Olise to Liverpool: The Transfer Rumour That's Already Won the 2026 Absurdity Awards

Michael Olise put on a masterclass on Tuesday evening as Bayern Munich and Paris Saint-Germain served up a Champions League semi-final feast, though it ended in disappointment for the Bavarian side. The scoreline told the story: PSG's attacking prowess proved too much, running out 5-4 winners in a contest where defending was very much an afterthought.

Yet despite being on the losing team, Olise emerged with considerable credit in the bank. The winger's performance was nothing short of exceptional, cementing his status among the world's elite in his position. With a goal to his name on the night, his season statistics read like something from a video game: 49 goal involvements across 47 appearances. That kind of output has naturally set Liverpool's imagination racing, with Anfield reportedly doing their daydreaming about a summer swoop.

The timing, of course, is no coincidence. Mohamed Salah's announcement that he'll be leaving the club has set the Merseyside outfit on the hunt for a successor. The name most frequently attached to the role? Yan Diomande, the RB Leipzig prospect who appears far more attainable and aligns with the sort of project Liverpool's ownership structure typically pursues—raw talent with upside rather than finished articles.

Still, Olise's Tuesday heroics were enough to get former Liverpool man Jermaine Pennant animated. Taking to social media, he laid down a challenge to his old club: "Liverpool go out and get Olise right now, at all costs. There is your replacement for Mo Salah. AT ALL COSTS. Any amount plus Gakpo."

It's a nice thought. It's also utterly divorced from reality.

Here's the fundamental problem: Olise has already outgrown Liverpool. The 23-year-old is operating at Bayern Munich, one of football's genuine powerhouses, and his trajectory over the past couple of years suggests he's destined for the absolute elite. A move to the Allianz Arena represented a step up the ladder. Anfield would be a step down.

At this stage of his career, only Real Madrid or Barcelona would represent a lateral or upward move. Everything else pales in comparison. Bayern didn't part with serious money for Olise to watch him depart for the Premier League.

Then there's the small matter of the proposed swap. Bayern Munich are not in the business of being pushed around in the transfer market, and the suggestion that they'd trade one of the world's finest wingers for Cody Gakpo is, frankly, laughable.

Gakpo has had his struggles this season at Liverpool. While he's been linked with Bayern in the past—mostly before this campaign got underway—he's hardly been the Dutchman's most impressive year on Merseyside. The teenager Rio Ngumoha has even outshined him at times. Bayern would gain precisely nothing from such an arrangement, particularly not when surrendering a player of Olise's calibre.

The arithmetic simply doesn't work. Bayern have everything to lose and nothing to gain. Olise to Liverpool remains the sort of rumour that sounds brilliant after three pints down the pub but crumbles under even the most cursory examination.