Martinez Told to Zip It and Play Better by Pundit Brigade – And He's Somehow the Problem

Here's a thought: perhaps The Sun's breathless Tuesday morning revelation about Eberechi Eze's wife deserves a reality check. She exists. She's in his life. The fact that your photo library doesn't bulge with holiday snaps doesn't make her "rarely-seen" – it just means she's not interested in tabloid attention. Revolutionary concept, we know.

But the real comedy gold this week comes courtesy of the Lisandro Martinez saga, which has consumed the Daily Mail's editorial pages like a particularly tedious fever dream. The narrative goes something like this: a middle-aged pundit sides with other middle-aged pundits and declares that a 5'9" Argentine centre-back should simply accept his place in the pecking order and keep his gob shut.

Let's rewind. On a podcast, Butt and Scholes spent considerable airtime mocking Martinez's stature, with Butt predicting that Erling Haaland would "pick Martinez up and run with him" like "a dad after school running down the road with a little toddler." Scholes chimed in with the absolute gem that Haaland would "score, then throw him in the net." Hilarious stuff, truly.

Then Martinez, when asked by journalists – you know, people doing their jobs – offered measured responses starting with "honestly, he can say whatever he wants." For this crime, he's now the villain of the piece. When he later engaged on social media, Scholes replied via Instagram and Butt doubled down on his podcast. Suddenly, Martinez answering direct questions becomes an unforgivable overreach.

The kicker? Martinez was magnificent on the pitch. United dismantled Manchester City at Old Trafford with a throwback performance that rendered all the pre-match noise entirely irrelevant. That's the answer that should have mattered.

But no. According to Ian Ladyman's Daily Mail column, Martinez should have simply turned his phone off and played better – as if he hadn't already done the latter. The suggestion that a player shouldn't respond when media colleagues ask him direct questions is, well, rather convenient for those colleagues and their mates on podcasts.

Over at Manchester United, Michael Carrick has been credited with introducing "new rules" at Carrington. The Express breathlessly reported this development, with hints that "senior stars have taken action." What's the actual change? Training sessions are shorter but more intense. That's not a rule – that's a timetable adjustment. But "Michael Carrick adjusts training schedule" doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?

The whole affair has been thoroughly unedifying. But here's a radical proposition: if you don't want players responding to media questions, perhaps don't ask the questions in the first place.