Ten Potential Exits From Spurs' Current Managerial Chaos, Ranked From Truly Disastrous to Merely Catastrophic

Tottenham's scriptwriters deserve a standing ovation. Season after season, they serve up the complete emotional spectrum: high comedy, uncomfortable cringe, profound misery, abject despair, and—cruellest of all—the occasional glimmer of genuine hope.

They've delivered magnificently this season too, leaning heavily into farce whilst offering uncomfortable truths about hubris and stubborn denial of reality. Yet one small note of constructive criticism: when Thomas Frank emerged onto the Hotspur Way training pitches on Monday morning and declared "the sun is shining" under clearly grey skies, it felt a touch too heavy-handed. The audience can follow the trail of delusion without such obvious signposting. Have faith in your viewers.

Declaring "we're playing football" immediately after, though? That was a masterclass. Well played.

The real question now is: where does this storyline go next? Has every drop of nonsense been wrung from the Frank era? Here are ten possible next steps, ranked from worst to least worst.

10) Fully Back Thomas Frank

Double down. Commit entirely to The Thomas Frank Project. Signal that the new regime—under the Lewis Family, who are definitely not just the old regime with a fresh coat of paint, definitely not—will reject the hire-and-fire conveyor belt that defined previous eras.

Forget about improved results or watchable football. After decades of discarding capable-yet-flawed managers for minor transgressions, this is the man you'll stick with regardless of circumstances. Three years, no questions asked.

If it ends with Spurs in League One and Frank reminding everyone "we were 17th when I arrived," so be it.

9) Wait Until Summer and Hope It Blows Over

This appeared to be the board's preferred approach before the West Ham collapse. Muddle through to season's end, then reassess based on final position and proceed with or without Frank.

The logic is obvious: summer offers a larger pool of available managers and provides a natural break point. The problem is equally clear: bigger clubs might be shopping in that same market. Liverpool and Manchester City could need managers. United might resist turning Michael Carrick into a new Ole. Chelsea's inexperienced hire seems perpetually distracted by his online course dreams.

Five of the old Big Six might need replacements, creating a domino effect that leaves Spurs fighting for scraps against more appealing destinations.

The new complication post-West Ham: there's no guarantee Spurs remain a Premier League club by summer. West Ham was arguably their easiest remaining fixture. If they can lose that, they can lose to anyone. And they look capable of doing precisely that.

8) Simply Liquidate the Club

We've suggested this before and increasingly wonder if we were joking at all. The chance to end the world's biggest banter club's story at a moment of glory has passed. Instead, Thomas Frank's reign now drips pathetically down Tottenham's stained and fraying tracksuit.

Yet there's a certain poetry to it. The Spurs narrative is complete. Seventeen years of ridicule followed by two weeks of glory solved nothing. Perhaps the real trophy was the jokes along the way. The actual trophy changed nothing. Spurs remain Spurs. Always will be.

Unless everyone's put out of their misery. Spurs have gone to live on a farm, kids.

We're genuinely talking ourselves into ranking this higher. It might be the least painful long-term option.

7) Experienced Interim Without Club DNA

Not everything requires Frank or total dissolution. There are other paths the Spurs hierarchy simply doesn't want to explore.

One variation on the "muddle through" approach involves replacing Frank with a seasoned interim—someone whose expertise is role-based rather than club-specific. A Guus Hiddink or Rafa Benítez type.

Problem is, Hiddink is 79 and Benítez is three months into a 2.5-year Panathinaikos contract. Ralf Rangnick has Austria's World Cup to manage. This option might be a non-starter.

6) Homeopathic Levels of Club DNA Interim

Can one week as assistant manager constitute club DNA? We might find out.

John Heitinga's appointment as Frank's assistant raises questions. Were Spurs genuinely trying to support their struggling manager, not realizing how appointing a recent Ajax head coach to an assistant role would look? Or did they appoint him with interim succession in mind, hoping everyone would interpret it as backing Frank?

Either way, he's in the building. He's led a major club that became a complete basket case—though that might not inspire confidence. Still, a Heitinga interim could set Spurs up nicely for Arne Slot's summer arrival. Maybe.

5) Club DNA Interim

Michael Carrick is no longer available—Spurs acted too slowly. But Ryan Mason remains on the shelf.

4) Repeat Previous Mistakes

Why not poach an overachieving manager from a well-run Premier League outfit? Andoni Iraola springs to mind, though the fact he consistently beats only Spurs among top-flight sides is concerning. Fabian Hurzeler's been linked recently—perfectly on-brand for Spurs' decision-making.

Keith Edwards would show wit. Marco Silva and Oliver Glasner fit the profile, though Fulham and Palace aren't quite as slick as the assorted upstart operations.

The general pattern: most of these managers would survive their club's departure, while Spurs would achieve minimal improvement. Their reputations would suffer from failing to replicate success at a well-run outfit once thrust into the Spurs spotlight, driving a genuine clown car.

3) Club DNA Permanent

Altering Spurs' poisonous atmosphere could transform things quickly. The easiest route: appoint a manager fans already know and love.

Mauricio Pochettino feels like unfinished business. Neither club nor manager has truly moved on. His brief Chelsea stint hasn't dimmed that light, and Spurs signing Conor Gallagher—one of Chelsea's few bright spots under Pochettino—invites convenient dot-connecting.

The problem: he won't leave the USA job before a home World Cup. Imagine if he did—Trump would declare the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium a strategic asset requiring acquisition by force. Actually, that's a roundabout path to option eight.

Alternatively, how about Robbie Keane from Ferencváros? Yes, leaving his boyhood club would hurt. But he left his previous boyhood club Maccabi Tel Aviv. Could he resist returning to his actual boyhood club, Tottenham?

It's a massive gamble given Keane's relative inexperience, but the instant vibe shift might be enough. CEO Vinai Venkatesham clearly wants his own Mikel Arteta moment. Keane fits better than Frank. What could go wrong? Probably everything.

2) Convince Xavi He's Always Wanted This Chaos

Everyone assumes Xavi Hernández is waiting for a Premier League opportunity. Out of work since leaving Barcelona at season's end 2023-24, he's presumably rejected several offers.

Why would he accept one from Spurs at their lowest point, especially when summer offers numerous better options? His own words provide the answer: he loves the Premier League's "passion" and wants an "interesting" project there rather than Spain. Ignore the "four-year" bit—that's fantasy for almost any manager.

Focus instead on "interesting." Spurs certainly qualify as interesting. Not necessarily in terms of football quality, but as a football club? Absolutely fascinating. Especially when the football isn't.

Spurs simply need to confuse Xavi into believing this lunatic organization represents his dream "interesting project," that "interesting" and "project" mattered far more than "four-year" when he imagined his next role.

Worth noting: appointing managers whose significant success came only at massive superclubs potentially falls into the "haven't learned anything" category.

1) Obtain Kompromat on Xabi Alonso and Blackmail Him Into Accepting

Two contradictory yet compelling notions haunt us: Xabi Alonso is literally the perfect Spurs manager, and there's absolutely zero chance he'd accept the job because he's not an idiot and will have twelve better offers by summer.

Spurs must get creative. Whatever skeletons inhabit Alonso's well-appointed closet—and there must be some, because nobody's perfect—Spurs must discover them and threaten exposure unless he agrees to two years at the club before release to a better opportunity.

Succeeding at Bayer Leverkusen before struggling at Real Madrid evens out perfectly for Spurs management. Perhaps such a club is exactly what Alonso needs rather than jumping straight back to Liverpool or Bayern.

The operative word: perhaps. He'd be absolutely mad to accept a Spurs job. Mad, or sufficiently compromised.