Spurs' Descent: Where the Relegated White Hart Lane Stars End Up

A chastening 4-1 defeat to Arsenal has left Tottenham in a precarious position. Four points separate them from the relegation zone with 11 matches that could realistically go either way. The Championship beckons—not yet deafening, but getting louder.

Should catastrophe strike, ENIC's carefully assembled squad would be prised apart. Let's see where they'd likely end up.

Goalkeepers

Guglielmo Vicario heads to Leeds—the traditional refuge for goalkeepers of questionable repute. Antonin Kinsky moves to West Ham, where the standard is marginally more respectable. Brandon Austin gets shipped off to FC Dallas, because subtlety matters.

Defence

Micky van de Ven is Liverpool-bound. When Levy no longer holds the purse strings and Tottenham drop down, demanding nine figures becomes rather academic. Cristian Romero finds his way to Atlético Madrid, a natural home for a defender whose screw seems perpetually loose—Diego Simeone will spend his coaching career fishing fasteners off the floor. Radu Dragusin joins José Mourinho, wherever he happens to be managing, as the pair appear cosmically aligned.

Kevin Danso heads to Brentford once Michael Kayode gets snapped up by a bigger club. Ben Davies, being Welsh, ends up at Wrexham. Destiny Udogie—Italian—moves to Juventus. Djed Spence, once touted by Rio Ferdinand as Kyle Walker's long-term successor, lands at Burnley.

Midfield

Souza returns to Santos, with everyone desperately hoping his January transfer included a break clause. Pedro Porro joins Manchester United, where his theatrical arm-flailing for corners will dovetail perfectly with Diogo Dalot's similar routine. Rodrigo Bentancur moves to Marseille—a Tottenham midfielder through and through in the sense that he looks decent but nobody can quite explain what he's actually contributed.

Yves Bissouma heads to Galatasaray. Gary Neville once compared him to Moises Caicedo, though only on the basis of one tackle against Arsenal's weakest player. For aging Premier League midfielders no longer meeting the required standard, it's typically Turkey or Saudi Arabia. Galatasaray have been circling for some time.

Lucas Bergvall joins Manchester United. He's not Bruno Fernandes' replacement—nobody is—but the consensus suggests he's generational talent who'd relish playing at the highest level, especially if United are without their midfield anchor.

Attacking Midfield and Wingers

Archie Gray moves to Bournemouth, where youth is currency. Conor Gallagher returns to Crystal Palace after Chelsea's double-agent completed his mission to relegate Tottenham. He was exceptional at Selhurst Park.

Pape Matar Sarr joins Sunderland, though likely as a pit stop before moving upwards—Spurs have done an admirable job keeping his quality hidden. Xavi Simons lands at Chelsea, where the club's appetite for lightweight playmakers who promise much but deliver little off the ball remains undiminished. They wanted him in the summer anyway.

Dejan Kulusevski heads to Manchester City, where Pep Guardiola would simply say "everything" when asked what he likes about him. Tottenham wouldn't be going down if he'd stayed fit. James Maddison moves to Aston Villa, where Unai Emery will eventually poach him before a richer club comes calling—another Premier League experience signing destined for another relegation battle.

Forwards

Wilson Odobert joins Chelsea, who'll immediately loan him to Strasbourg. He'll probably never actually play for Chelsea, and they'll likely flip him for profit eventually.

Mohammed Kudus moves to Liverpool after his agent supposedly convinced him to accept reduced wages to get his Anfield move, desperately undercutting Tottenham's interest last summer.

Dominic Solanke heads to Coventry City, where he might finally get consistent minutes under a manager who trained him at Chelsea.

Mathys Tel becomes Chelsea's problem. Bayern Munich haggled down from a £45m option to a £30m fee. He flopped at Bayern's Champions League level, barely plays for Tottenham now, and they're stuck with a fourth-choice striker they'll struggle to shift. Chelsea will take the gamble.

Richarlison moves to Fulham—and no, he hasn't played for them before.