Arsenal's Dominance Hailed by Champions League Computer While English Rivals Face Play-Off Lottery

The Champions League's final league-stage evening brings with it the traditional permutation theatre—and one particularly enthusiastic supercomputer has been wheeled out to tell us something remarkable: that being top of the table with seven wins from seven is, in fact, good.

Shock revelation, that one.

The Mirror have seized on this evening's mathematical possibilities to offer 'forecasts' and 'projections' for which English clubs might face in the knockout stages. The only snag is that these aren't forecasts at all. They've simply assumed the league table freezes exactly as it stands, with no team moving a muscle tonight. Given that only the top two have secured top-eight spots outright, and just three points separate third from 15th, this is rather optimistic work. Tottenham sit fifth but could realistically finish anywhere from third to 16th. Liverpool are fourth, and the paper's prediction that they'd meet Atalanta, Inter Milan, Marseille, or Bayer Leverkusen in the round of 16 is simply identifying which four teams currently occupy those positions—hardly a forecast requiring the gift of prophecy.

The Sun, meanwhile, has deployed their beloved supercomputer beneath what can only be described as a genuinely dreadful pun, warning of 'top 8 heartbreak' for two Premier League sides. Though one might argue that two extra matches in Europe's premier competition represents something closer to opportunity than catastrophe. The actual prediction? All six English clubs will reach the last 16—Arsenal automatically, while the other five will either qualify directly or come through the play-offs. Chelsea face away at Napoli and Newcastle at PSG to hold their top-eight positions, we're told.

The machine has also declared Arsenal the tournament's likeliest winners. Which is rather convenient, given they're top of the standings with seven wins from seven and have been Europe's standout side. It's worth noting that this same supercomputer predicted Arsenal would be knocked out in the Round of 16 last season—and had Liverpool winning the entire thing, beating Inter Milan 4-3 in a Munich final. So perhaps we shouldn't get too carried away with its pronouncements.

Meanwhile, Cole Palmer's supposed move to Manchester United continues to generate column inches despite remaining firmly in the realm of fantasy. The Daily Star were so convinced yesterday that only Bruno Fernandes departing for Saudi Arabia stood in the way. Except, of course, Manchester United would actually need to make a bid, Chelsea would need to accept it, and Palmer himself would need to agree. Chelsea boss Liam Rosenior has now 'broken his silence' (naturally) on the matter: 'Cole is very happy. He's an incredible player and he wants to be a Chelsea player.' Really does sound like a done deal is imminent, doesn't it?

Gordon Strachan, dispensing wisdom via a bookmaker's quotes service in The Sun's transfer blog, has offered Andy Robertson advice about his future. The former Manchester United man suggests Robertson might enjoy a move abroad at this stage of his career, recalling his own switch from Old Trafford to Leeds as an 'injection of enthusiasm'. Which is fine counsel, though one might gently remind Strachan that Leeds remains in England—the Pennines having not yet achieved international border status, despite what some Yorkshire folk might wish.