The Premier League's 10 Most Delicious Possible Endings: A Wishlist for the Ages

The 2025/26 campaign is rapidly becoming the most memorable we've ever witnessed – though whether that's for the right reasons remains delightfully uncertain.

We extend our sincere condolences to both sides of North London, but the sheer comedy value of what unfolds over the coming weeks hinges almost entirely on the misery you two inflict upon each other. Apologies in advance.

The truly hilarious denouement to this season naturally centres on Spurs tumbling through the trapdoor and Arsenal surrendering everything they've pursued. But the entertainment doesn't stop there – there are precisely ten magnificent outcomes worth considering.

Tottenham's Descent into the Championship

Normally, these wish-lists require an improbable cascade of unlikely events. Not this time. Spurs occupy a peculiar twilight zone: universally acknowledged as the division's worst outfit, yet mysteriously absent from the relegation positions. Everyone knows they're going down. They know they're going down. Their rivals know it too. And yet, as we creep toward April, they've never actually occupied a bottom-three spot. It's quintessentially Spurs – managing to fail in the most bewildering fashion imaginable.

The Arsenal Trophy Drought Deepens

Before Sunday, an Arsenal clean sweep felt simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. Now, the only genuinely comic outcome is them collecting nothing. It's less probable than Spurs' descent and less catastrophic for the North London ledger, but suddenly plausible enough to unsettle the more anxious elements of the Arsenal support.

The gamble on Kepa proved calamitous, and tempting fate when you've forgotten how to win silverware is never advisable. With favourable draws in both domestic cups and Europe's premier competition, Arsenal could conceivably finish runner-up across all four fronts.

Liverpool's European Redemption

A difficult league campaign salvaged by Champions League glory wouldn't represent unprecedented territory for Liverpool. Yet it would scramble the narrative considerably. There's a particular irony in Slot matching Klopp's European trophy haul whilst presiding over a disappointing domestic campaign.

Manchester City's Overlooked Domestic Treble

The quadruple would've garnered attention. A second domestic treble – previously deemed virtually impossible – achieved whilst the narrative orbits elsewhere? Magnificent. With Spurs relegated, Arsenal empty-handed, and Liverpool crowned European champions, City's achievement would fade into insignificance. Their league title would barely register; everyone would discuss Arsenal's collapse instead.

A Desperate Joint Legal Venture

Picture this: Spurs finish 18th, Arsenal claim second behind City, yet both launch a coordinated legal assault seeking retroactive points deductions. The mutual humiliation would be exquisite, with each fanbase insisting the other club's actions prove their inferiority.

Nottingham Forest's Improbable European Glory

Forest winning the Europa League whilst finishing 17th would be deliciously absurd – especially since they didn't even qualify for the competition initially. The Premier League should embrace this chaos annually until the joke exhausts itself, then continue anyway. Thomas Frank's appointment would seal the comedy.

Crystal Palace's Conference League Triumph

Oliver Glasner departing with a trophy nobody particularly cares about, courtesy of another English club that shouldn't have been competing in that competition. Perfect.

Top-Five Chaos

Liverpool, Chelsea, and Aston Villa all tumbling outside the Champions League places remains unlikely but suddenly conceivable. Villa have looked exhausted against competent opposition lately, whilst Liverpool and Chelsea seem determined to sabotage themselves. Manchester United securing fourth-place already feels damning.

If Forest win Europa and Liverpool claim the Champions League whilst finishing outside the top five, we'd apparently have seven English sides qualifying for next season's competition. They'll duly reach the last 16 before exiting together, naturally.

Brentford and Sunderland's Unexpected Elevation

With chaos reigning above, other contenders emerge. Sunderland reaching the Champions League as newly-promoted upstarts would be magnificent – especially bantering Newcastle throughout the campaign. Brentford's presence would be equally amusing, particularly as Spurs descend. The media's protection of Thomas Frank becomes considerably harder when his replacement thrives after losing him, his captain, and forty goals last summer.

The Rosenior Entrepreneur Moment

We're not advocating for this outcome, but if we're being honest about our predictive record, we need another guaranteed hit to balance the ledger. So we're backing Liam Rosenior launching a podcast, peddling courses and supplements with names like "The Limitlessness of Limitlessness" or, in a moment of uncharacteristic candour, simply "Spoofer."